I wrote my first draft of a query letter and sent it to my mother. She's pretty good at that kind of thing and will give me some good tips. I also spent a good chunk of time scouring the internet for advice about how to write a good query editor.
My pal, neighbor and fellow writertype person, Michael, sent me to a blog that was just chockablock with valuable advice. It's kept by a literary agent with scads of experience in the field. She has a bit of a mantra: "write well and query widely." This seems very sensible. She also seems to view any kind of attention-getting cuteness as anathema. "Follow the rules," she exhorts.
And so I did. I did not get cute. I did not give into my urge for funny digressions. I did, as is expected, one page, three paragraphs. Almost.
Paragraph One - A hook. Think of the thing you read on the back of a dust cover.
Paragraph Two - A summary. That was a bitch. man. Have you ever tried to summarize 80,000 words? I have. It is not for the faint of heart - especially when you feel like every plot point is Entirely Vital To the Comprehension of A WORK OF STAGGERING GENUIS! (you know, I didn't much care for the book I just riffed on there, but, honestly, best title ever)
Paragraph Three - Who are you. Well, what with that National Book Award I won in my own imagination and the time that a blogpost I wrote got more than 20 hits? I decided to make this paragraph about how I bartended and studied English lit at the same time and finally figured out how those two things gelled.
Here's where I broke the rules - I sneaked a paragraph in between two and three about how I revisioned Middlemarch. I fancy this is pertinent and I kept it onto one page.
Mom will tell me if it's any good.
In the meantime, I'm left wondering if people (and by that I mean literary agents and/or publishers) just fucking hate the word "revisioning"? It was totally trendy back in the dark ages when I was getting a Masters and still wanted to put quotes around the word "email." But now I wonder if it makes people's ears bleed like "meta" and "fierce."
I used "reimagining" too. Which might also make the people to whom I am appealing want to barf.
Well, I've kicked off my first baby step and plan on giving myself a week to polish and finesse my query letter (do you think using the word "finesse" as a verb is also barfalicious?). Baby step after that will be finding people to send it to. Baby step three will be bracing for the rejection.
On another topic, you know what word I really hate? Utilize. I really hate that word. I don't believe that there are such things as synonyms in English. Every word means something different (you don't, for example, say "nice" when you mean to say "goodhearted"). You know what the difference between "utilize" and "use" is? That the person speaking wants to sound smart but instead sounds like he's intentionally trying to put space between his idea and the action that follows from it. It's uselessly fancypants.
On the other hand, I prefer "utilization" to "usage." Ah, the vagaries of English and my senselessly strong opinions about it.
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